A Previous Entry
"Every single school yard bombing during the Obama administration was justified"

"This team is like my young son"

"Which way is space facing... Type shit"
"... I was in there gagging for 20 minutes."
"Im getting crushed by Wallys meat."

"To whom it may concern... let me drive the car on campus"


"YK with this baby formula shortage, I come to the conclusion that billionairs shouldn't exist"
"Maybe we should do something about that"

"Overthrow the capitalist system and get rid of credit scores."
"It might be a few inches shorter when I'm done with it."

"Hi bad boyyyy"
"FUCK THIS SHIT. Bro Machtay asked 'Who's the guy that dictates how viscous a fluid is?' You know what I said? I said Cubaud. But the answer was Bernoulli."

"I got a ticket for parking in the heavy lot during break, and I didn't pay it."

"So he's nice about things when he can't say words."


"Today is a bad day Phil, I have to shit."
"It is important to keep track of the ecosystem in the proving grounds."

Red: My front left brakes are a little fucky.
Xiao: It's fine just hit the kill switch.

"Things are looking up" (Tornado Warning)

"Cough syrup isn't something you do socially"
"What were they thinking"
"I don't wanna be an engineer anymore. I just wanna be a rapper"
"I'm pretty sure bruised penis is a medical condition"
"You gon be rackin n stackin faster than you can check for the checks in ur mailbox"
"Aight I hear complainin why wasn't I invited?"
"But I would rather THAT than go to 411."
"This says a lot about society."

"Please call Adhiraj daddy, just do it"
"Meat is my religion"

"I would love to do the BoM, Phil don't worry about doing the BoM anymore more, its my job now"

"I'm a pathological liar and will do the BoM all on my own for the entire team for the rest of my life"


"Ooga booga notch tube."

"I thought al dente was a company"
"Is Wisconsin even a state?"
"Still makes me want to drop kick a frog tho"
"The sounds they make are heavenly."
"Should we throw out the trash cans too?"
"It's spine day"
"This might sound dangerous, but when it snows and I take my bike out in the morning, I just look at teh sun for like 30 seconds to calibrate my eyes. It helps bro, trust."
"Yay prius"

Dan Roach:
"What's gonna make me sadder, cleaning or jigging? Probably jigging." *starts jigging*

"This is my dream"

"Red I need help circumsizing this thing."

Professor Machtay:
"Red, nobody cares."



Dan Roach:
"Kids like pictures"


"If I plug this in and my computer becomes linux, I'm going to fire you"

"I'm going to cut this plastic cup on the coleslaw"


"I have enough hp to handle the free chiropractor"

"The closest thing I've had to a salad is a chicken wrap"
"I've seen babies thrown at walls smarter than this!"

"It's held on by these nuts"
*Frustrated thing he does with his arms*

*Unemotional shrug*

"Look at me I'm Adhiraj uhduhduhduh"

"Y'all ever boring bar?"

"We don't choose our kinks"

"Whomst dare tocc I am the elephoont of the shapes


Car 64:

Paul: Hmm, should I say goodbye to people in the shop?
Red: Well I mean, what do you stand to gain?
Paul: You're right, what do I gain? Goodbye.
Red: Sociability for one
Paul: Nah, that's useless, see you tomorrow

Literally Everyone
"Just yeet it"

"Ya E"


"What's up Noah, build any arks lately?

Spider Red:
"Dr. Machtay, everything's not copacetic"

"I just wanted a quote, even if it isn't something quotable."

"And Moose please don't chop off your fingers."

“It's 60%”

“F**k that thesaurus monster.”
“I really want a racoon, and also an otter.”
“Racism makes the world go round.”
“I’m the definition of dangerous.”
“Speaking of meeting, it made me think of eating.”

“Paul, can you do me a favor? Can you scratch the top of my forehead?”
“One Chris, two Chris, red Chris, blue Chris.”
"Hi! Welcome to Chili's!"

“Who’s Sally, would my girlfriend approve of this meeting?”
"Lebron James"

Moose: Do you think Alzheimer's jokes are mean?
John: Nah, they won't remember it

Jenry: Hey Paul, Aravinda really missed you btw
Paul: I believe the socially correct thing to say is that I miss him too...

“You’ll see yuki biting biting biting, and why’s the food not decreasing, he’ll take fake bites.”

“Don’t think of it as a roller coaster, think of it as a rolls royce.”

Tom C.:
“For electronics, take the amount we learned in 220, halve that, and that’s the amount I know.”

Ed: I’ll wait for Billy, after he gets his brainwaves read.
Jenry: Let’s see. I expect it to be a flat line.

Zotto: I’ll be ther 9 AM.
Paul: When you say 9 AM you mean 9:30 AM.
Zotto: Yeah, or 10:30 AM.

Jenry: I heard you called Billy the F word.
Paul: What…
Jenry: Friend.

2016 and 2017

“I can’t figure out these computers man.”
“Chrome can install a… uh… whatchacallit?”
“Dammit, I can’t use this technology!”
“Yo man… they help your digestive system.”
“Oh yea, I forgot to complain about that today. Thanks for reminding me.”
“Matt is so happy that we’re not dingleberries man”
“A lot of learning going on here.”
“Long hair or short hair, I don’t care… she cute AF.”
“Neil, can I look at your shaft?”
“She’s a moron. She’s more off than on.”
“2468 2468 We appreciate we appreciate Noah Noah”

Fearless Leader:
“Hashtag facepalm”
“Technically you used technically the wrong way”
“Can we make that a quote?”
“People are the WORST…“

Joisey: “What kind of idiot puts an axial load on a key?”
“Ok so, where I actually is am at?”
“It’s like we’re the same person, woah!”
“On a scale from 0 to person, you’re above average? How does that work?”
“When Mikey sent the chocolate, my first thought was Bhatt ate it all”

“it’s better than ur cousins giving ur rap name Lil D”
“Like quacks on”

Auri: “You derived an already derived formula. Congratulations, you can do math”
“If you’re a fanatic Buddhist, good for you!”
“It’s like saying you can measure suspension travel in zeros and ones.”

Zach Grimm:
“Aw that fckng gd dmn ant… who the fck you think you is? I’M THE GD DMN VICE PRESIDENT OF MOTORSPORTS!” *stomp stomp stomp

“Can I be rocks and cardboard?”
“You know rocks will be around for a long time.”
“I know that old story”
“Whatever boats your float”
“It’s like we’re the same person, woah!”
“I have good genes, they’re Levi’s”
“Dorothy, you have the left of way.”
“John Park puts bananas in the fridge and they go bad immediately.”
“Adult supercenter, is that where they sell dishwashers, laundry detergent, do your taxes there…“

“I don’t say anything quotable”

“Cats are just defective puppies.”
“Aren’t the geese supposed to migrate? Go migrate. Go away.”
“Waba waba”
“I’m not sure why I bring my phone. Do one ever calls me except spam callers.”
“Bird bird bird is the word.”
“If life gives you lemons, you eat them.”

“Do we need any tappy tappy things or do they just come out?”
“I’m good at translating Bhatt.”

“I don’t disagree”
“I’m gonna hit this with a hammer. I’ll be right back.”
“Steel, it’s cheaper than aluminum, and these fucking bugs are killing me.”

“You need to go to the Spencer Locks school of manners.”
“Take it from me, I’m good at making stuff up right on the spot.”
“A pancake would make a really nice pillow though.”
“If you carve out the middle, you could make a necklace out of a pancake.”
“I also talked about making jewelry out of pancakes and waffles. What I say at 2 AM is not valid.”
“Do you think I would be a good corn farmer?”

“Deep down, Matt has a heart.”

“Why can’t our school color be reflective white?”

“Believe it or not, the Barbie show has gotten amazing.”


“I’ve said many funny things.”

Devon: How long does the pizza go in the microwave?
Spencer: Ariba! Doo doo da doo doo… oh, sorry I wasn’t paying attention.

Devon: John, you are FEA, you validate me.
John: Thank you.

Muffins: “Hey, why do you have that light on your backpack?”
Duck: “My mom gave it to me, she’s afraid I’ll get attacked at night or something.”

Muffins: “What happened to the cake that Mikey made?”
Fearless Leader: “Bhatt ate it all, leave it to the brown guy to eat all the brown food. That’s how he gets his color.”

Fearless Leader: “Mikey, do you have any candy?”
Bearhunter: “I have grated cheese.”

Paul: You’re trying too hard Neil
Neil: No wait Paul, come back!

Ian: If you were a fruit you’d be a cute-cumber…
Ian: That’s a vegetable…

Billy: What, I don’t get any quotes?
Paul: John has set the standard too high.

Devon: What do you like about Roosevelt Island?
Paul: It’s devoid of people.

Paul: I’m allergic to dust, pollen-
Devon: And people?

Lee: Do you know what LED stands for?
John: Low electron diode.

Matt: We should validate everything and make the goal for the following year to drop 30 pounds.
Billy: I can do that, give me a week.

Paul: Jenry said if I submitted an order for a puppy, he’d announce it at a GBM. I told myself I’d do that before the last GBM, but I forgot.
Billy: Paul, that’s what Asana’s for.

Paul: Guess who said this quot-
Le Si: Aravinda?

Aravinda: That bag of cookies was finished 20 hours ago.
Devon: We haven’t been driving for 20 hours.
Aravinda: I stand by my statement.

Paul: I can’t hear you, John.
John: I can’t hear myself either.

Devon: John, I need you to use your outdoor voice.
John: We’re indoors.

John: You have an ant farm?
Paul: No, where did you hear that?
Neil: You have an alien ant farm?
Paul: Neil, you’re trying too hard.

Neil: What do you think about global warming?
John: It’s not good-ish.

Neil: What’s your favorite seltzer flavor?
John: Water.

Neil, for the third time: Is it just that?
Zotto: Ask one more time, it might change.